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When Your Friend is Sick

You may have a friend who has had a chronic illness for a long time, or maybe your friend just found out that he or she has a chronic illness. Either way, you are an important person in the life of your friend. You may have a lot of questions about the chronic illness, what it means to your friend, and how you can help.

What is a chronic illness?

There are many different kinds of chronic illnesses, and lots of ways that kids can be affected by this kind of illness. Chronic illnesses are those that last for months, years, or sometimes for the person's entire life. For example, cancer is a chronic illness that may last for months or years and then, sometimes, be gone. Diabetes and sickle cell anemia are chronic illnesses that last for the person's entire life. Some kids are bothered by asthma when they are exposed to certain things in the air or the environment or when they get a cold or flu. At other times, they may not have symptoms of asthma. Depression may last for weeks or months or may come back off and on during a person's life.

One thing we know is that every person's situation is different. It's important that we learn all we can about our friend's diagnosis and his or her unique symptoms.

Learning about Chronic Illness

Best Friends.We are glad you are taking time to learn more about your friend's illnesses. It is important that you learn the facts. That way,

  • you can understand things for yourself,
  • you can make sure that other kids understand, and
  • you can help your friend who is sick.

We will provide general information here, but your friend is a unique person, and you need to get information about him or her. There are a lot of people who can help you find the information you need.

You can ask

  • your parents,
  • your teachers,
  • your friend,
  • your friend's parents, or
  • other trusted adults.

Ask questions

Ask questions if you do not understand something about the illness or if you are afraid. Here are some questions that kids have asked us.

Can I catch what my friend has?

Some kids tell us that they are afraid that they will catch the illness if they get too close to their friend who is sick. This is a very normal feeling, because we know some illnesses are contagious. Most chronic illnesses, however, are not contagious.

However, the illness your friend has is not something you can "catch" like a cold. It is kind of like being around someone with a broken leg - you can be around them all day — but your leg will be just fine. 

If I have a cold, can I make my friend sick? 

Some kids with a chronic illness may have a hard time fighting off germs and infections. For example, many kids with cancer may be more likely to catch colds, sore throat and other infections from us. This is because the very strong medicines that destroy the bad cancer cells also hurts the good cells in the body (the white blood cells) that fight infection.

So, to help our friends, and everyone else in our class, we should stay home when we have a fever, a bad cough, or if we are throwing up.

We should also always wash our hands very well. Germs like to live on our hands. So wash your hands before you eat, after playing, after using the bathroom, or whenever you touch places where germs like to live.

Where do germs like to live?

  • Grocery store carts
  • Door knobs
  • Telephones
  • Noses
  • Trash
  • Computer keyboards
    (Uh-oh, I better go wash my hands after I type this)

How do I help my friend feel better?

It is hard to be a kid with a chronic illness, and you may worry about your friend's happiness. You may want to find ways that you can help your friend feel happier and to have fun. That is one of the most important ways you can help your friend.

Phone calls, cards, and visits are great ways to keep your friend happy! If you want to invite your friend over to your house, you may be afraid that they cannot come and that inviting them will just make them sad. However, kids with chronic illnesses often can do most of the things they did before they got sick, and even if they cannot, they will be happy that you invited them. Don't be afraid to ask them to do things with you!

  1. Hospital Visit.Be a friend.
  2. Call or e-mail your friend when he is in the hospital. Cards and letters are really fun to get when you are stuck in the hospital, too.
  3. Invite your friend to play.  If he/she can't come over, that's fine. But if you don't ask, you both may miss out on a really good time!
  4. Tell your friend about what is going on at school, scouts, soccer, etc. You can help him better understand the homework assignment and fill him in on all the interesting parts of the day (like who got sent to the office, what nasty thing was served in the cafeteria, what funny things that happened in the classroom).
  5. Playing Board Games.Tell others in school that your friend needs everyone’s support.
  6. Talk to your friend. Find out if he wants help or if he wants to talk about his feelings. Only your friend knows what he needs, and the best way for you to help him is to ask questions.
  7. If you are worried about your friend or have questions, talk to your parents, teacher or other trusted adult.
  8. Enjoy being with your friend!

For more information, please contact:

Kathy Davis, MSEd, PhD
kdavis2@kumc.edu
(913) 588-6305