Help your other children, spouse and extended family develop
healthy coping strategies
It probably seems like you already have enough on your plate without
considering how to help EVERYONE else! Much of this task, helping others
cope with your child’s chronic illness and the impact on the family,
will happen without much effort. Your attitude and your approach will
have a huge impact on those around you. So, developing a healthy coping
strategy yourself will likely lead to similar strategies employed by
other family members. Your child with a chronic illness demands a lot of
your time and energy, and it is not surprising that your other family
members sometimes feel jealous, resentful, lonely or frightened.
Siblings are especially vulnerable. Siblings also worry about their
brother or sister, their parents, and that they might “catch”
the illness. Talking openly and honestly with them about their brother’s
or sister’s diagnosis and treatment, scheduling time to spend one-on-one
with each child, and making sure they get to visit their sibling who is ill
will pave the way for the development of healthy coping strategies. It often
helps children feel like a more important member of the family to help care
for their sibling (when appropriate) in some limited way.
Spouses or partners also need to continue to have attention from you.
Although it may be difficult, it is good to schedule a time when you and
your spouse/partner can get away together and reconnect as a couple. An
evening babysitter or a night a grandma’s may be good for the entire
family. Speaking of grandma, extended family members will take their cue
from you regarding how to cope with your child’s illness. Family
members often want to help, but may have difficulty knowing exactly what
to do. Tell them! Allowing them to help in the care of your child and your
family will ease your burden and theirs.
Skills List
- Learn about your child’s illness and treatment
- Commmunicate openly with your children
- Help your child learn to cope with life changes
- Help your other children, spouse and extended family cope
- Prepare your child for procedures and hospitalization
- Maintain as much normalcy as possible
- Set limits, and provide discipline
- Continue normal expectations for your child
- Communicate with your child’s school
- Help your child explain the illness to others
- Accept help graciously
- Empower your child
- Help your child find a buddy with the same illness
- Handle (unsolicited) advice
- Take care of yourself
For more information, please contact:
Kathy Davis, MSEd, PhD
kdavis2@kumc.edu
(913) 588-6305